Secrets
What do you do when you know something that can ruin someone’s life?
She thinks back to the time in college when she began dating a guy who told her on a drive to drop her off back at her house that he would be married with children within the year. They had only seen each other a handful of times at this point—and mostly only at night.
She remembers hearing this absurd statement and turning her head to glare at him while he drove with one hand rested casually on the wheel.
“You will NOT be married with a child by the end of the year.” She said to him with a tone of shock and amusement. She sure wasn’t going to be married to this guy by the end of the year, if that’s what he was trying to say.
They bickered back and forth about it for a few minutes before she eventually let it go. There was no point in fighting over what she knew was a summer fling. Whether he realized it or not, she would not be saying “yes” to any proposal from him this year. She figured she would let him find that out in his own time, so she never broached the subject again.
A week or so later, she was driving with a friend when she received a call from a random number. When she answered, the woman on the other line introduced herself as the fiancé of the guy she had been seeing. This girl asked her if she had been hooking up with him and--being the terrified, people-pleasing 19-year-old she was—she said, “No.” She told her that they were friends but nothing more.
She called the guy the second his supposed fiancé hung up the phone. He made some excuse about how she was a crazy ex who stalked his phone records and tried to blow-up all of his new relationships. While she didn’t believe him, she also didn’t care enough about him to fight it. She just dropped the relationship all together and went on about her life.
In October of that same year—about 6 months after the “break up”—she saw a social media post that he was tagged in. It was a compilation of wedding photos—his wedding photos. He had gotten married. When she looked up the bride’s account, she saw that it was the same girl that had called way back when. According to their accounts, they had been engaged for over a year.
He really was married by the end of the year, she thought. How did she not see this as a possibility when he made that crazy statement to her all of those months ago? Now, it made sense why he wouldn’t take her out on real dates or take any pictures with her. Why was she so bad at spotting these red flags?
She took a few days to decide what she was going to do. Should she reach out to that woman and tell her? It was not necessarily too late. Yes, they were married, but wouldn’t an early divorce be better than living the rest of your life with a liar and a cheater? Would telling this woman ruin her entire life and plan, though? What if his cheating changed him and he would never do such a thing again now that he was married? Maybe he realized how lucky he was to get away with it once, and he would never risk it again. She thought about it all and decided it would be best to not change the course of this new couple’s life. A month later, she would be validated in that decision.
In December of that year, the new couple announced the pregnancy of their first child. Well, she thought, married with a kid by the end of the year was not that far off if you were already engaged and planning a life with someone. To her, it still felt pretty ballsy to bring the idea up to your mistress. He must have really thought she was naïve to be brave enough to be so open about it and know that she would never catch on to what he meant. Turns out, he was right.
When she found out about the baby, she was so happy she never reached out to the woman. Most likely, at the time she would have reached out, the woman was already pregnant. That woman would have been scared, vulnerable, and in a spot where she couldn’t have escaped easily, even if she wanted to. Plus, if the woman wasn’t somehow already pregnant, telling her about the cheating would have kept their—soon to be—beautiful daughter from coming into the world. She felt that keeping quiet was the right thing to do in this case; but was it always?
They seemed perfect for each other. He was the kind to become who he dated, and, well, she wanted someone who wanted to become her. The guy didn’t have much of an identity outside of the people he associated with. He was raised to feel such shame for who he was that he felt that if he became the person he dated, then that person could never shame him for being himself because who he was just like them. The downside of this method was that he always had to be in a relationship because without someone else to be, who was he? The upside was, in this particular case, his new girlfriend wanted someone who she could mold into the perfect, nose-blind to her smell of crazy boyfriend. So, once he was able to morph into her exact values, beliefs, and lifestyle, they fit together perfectly—so they portrayed.
She knew this couple through the ultimate frisbee league she played in a few days a week. She heard the rumors about them from time to time. She was often told stories of the girlfriend hedging her bets with other men in the league for the full first year of their relationship. Apparently, the girl had thrown a few lines out, but when no one responded favorably, she stepped back in line with her boyfriend. Obviously, her boyfriend had idea this was happening.
She was also told about the names this girl would call her male friends—inappropriate things like “baby” and “babe”. She also had a well-known, flirty way in which she would rub the backs of and make physical contact with her male friends that could be brushed off as “friendly” were she to ever be questioned. She was one of those girls who could say, “You got it, baby.” And pat her frisbee teammate on the lower back without anyone being able to say for sure whether it was inappropriate or just her “style”.
She had ignored all of the rumors. It was interesting to hear about, but she was not invested in the fate of this particular couple. The man was kind of an ass and the woman was the type of point-fire-aim crazy that she wanted nothing to do with.
She noticed, as the years went on, that the flirty behavior from the woman increased dramatically toward their ultimate frisbee friends. On one occasion, she showed up to the field at the same time as this couple and their usual group. She sighed because she hated being faced with the awkward greetings between herself and this group. She decided to change in the bathrooms furthest away from the action in the hopes of avoiding everyone.
When she walked in, she came face-to-face with the aforementioned girl and another male frisbee player exiting the women’s bathroom. The girl looked at her, horrified, and squeaked out a “Hey.” The guy, buttoning his pants, squeezed past her, as well, and they both scurried out of the building.
She stood in the bathroom motionless for what seemed like minutes. She replayed the scene over and over to verify what she had seen. Should she tell the girl’s boyfriend? Should she go tell him right now? Or should she play it off like she had seen nothing and let the couple be? How did this girl get so many men to like her?
The last question stayed with her longer than the rest due to the nature of this girl’s general vibe. She was immature while also being so obviously a player. Why had all of these men fallen for it?
Either way, she decided that, this time, she would tell the girl’s boyfriend. They weren’t engaged or married. They didn’t have children yet. This would not destroy their lives, but it would give the guy a chance to run while he could.
She approached the group of frisbee players toward the end of the evening. The guy was by himself wiping the sweat off of his forehead with a towel. As she turned his direction, she heard a woman’s voice project over the field.
“Charles! Charles, come here! Everybody, Charles and I have an announcement to make!”
The guy she had been walking toward looked up toward the voice. It was his girlfriend, Milly, calling for him to join her.
Charles walked right past her to join his girlfriend. Maybe Milly saw her walking toward him, she thought. She must have known what was about to happen.
Charles joined Milly on the sidelines of the field where the group had gathered to hear this announcement. She watched from afar as he put his arm around Milly’s waist and ushered her to continue on.
Milly stated, loud enough for her to hear, that her and Charles were going to be having a baby.
Her jaw dropped. Why did these women have to keep getting pregnant during cheating scandals? She thought about the other rumors she had heard about this couple. It was whispered about that Milly was saving herself for marriage. She had apparently gotten Charles on board with the idea through the usual brain-washing tactics she had been known for. So, how is it that she was pregnant, now? Obviously, believing rumors was a fool’s game—especially considering the compromising position she had just found Milly in. However, it was one of those rumors that was so well-known, it felt like the smoke had to lead to at least a spark of a fire.
The field erupted in cheers and cries. Everyone was so happy for the couple. She looked specifically at the guy who had left the bathroom with Milly hours earlier. He was smiling, but he wasn’t jumping up and down or reaching for hugs in the same way that everyone else was. Either this guy was sad that he had just lost his bathroom hook-up, or…
She was staring at the scene on the field for so long, she didn’t notice a friend of hers walk up behind her.
“What are you staring at?” She asked.
Startled, she jumped and turned around. “Apparently, Milly and Charles are having a baby.” She looked over at her friend in shock.
“Ha! No way. That girl won’t even let him sit on her bed when they hangout. Plus, she’s been trying to cheat on him for months. The guys keep turning her down, but there’s no way she wants to stay in that relationship. I would think a pregnancy with Charles would be a death sentence for that girl.” Her friend pulled her back toward the bleachers.
“Oh, she’s not trying to cheat; I caught her and David in the girl’s bathroom earlier.”
Her friend stopped in her tracks and turned to face her.
“No. You. Did not!” She screamed with a smile. “I knew there was something going on there. I saw them getting out of the same car once downtown. When I asked her about it later, she said they were just ‘friends’ riding together. I knew that was bullshit.” They began walking again. “I bet you that baby is his.”
“Wait, you think the baby is David’s? Wouldn’t that mean she’s hooking up with both of them, then? She had to have hooked up with Charles at least once for him to believe the baby is his. So much for saving herself.” She couldn’t imagine the look on Charles’ face if he found out the baby wasn’t his. He had worked so hard to form himself into this woman that the un-raveling would leave him without an identity, friends, hobbies, or even a life at all. He would be devastated.
Her friend nodded slowly. “You think we should tell him?”
“Nose-goes.” She said, throwing her index finger to her nose and laughing.
They changed the subject and began to walk back to their cars. Her friend drove off and she sat in her car thinking about what she should do about the situation.
If it were her, she would want to know if her partner was cheating. However, that David guy does not seem nearly as prepared to raise a child as Charles—who, honestly, was only about as prepared to raise a child as a house lamp.
She had always regretted not being honest when that girl called her phone all those years before. However, she is happy that their baby came into existence, and that wouldn’t have happened had she been honest about the cheating, right? Of course, when it comes to changing history, you never know what change you are going to make. Maybe, she would have been honest with that woman, and she would have confronted her man who would have apologized, went to therapy, got better, and their baby might still have come into this world in the same way. There’s just no way of knowing what impact her honestly really would have had.
In this case, though, this baby is coming no matter what. What she could change was which dad was going to raise it. If she were potentially going to be a dad, she’d want to know that the baby was hers. She also considered the idea that maybe David did know and actively didn’t want to raise a baby with a psycho.
After thinking on it for a few days, she decided that she was going to tell Charles. The next time she could catch him alone at a practice, she would pull him aside and deliver the news. The hardest part about that was that Milly was practically glued to his side—other than the times she was hooking up with David in the bathroom, of course.
The day finally came when she went to the field and found Charles practicing with a few of his guy friends—including David. Well, better David than Milly, she thought.
She waited for a break in their game and she called for Charles to come over. He looked at her, confused, and made his way over slowly. He stopped about 6 feet from her.
“Uh, what’s up?” He said, shifting his eyes to either side of the field behind her. He looked nervous and uncomfortable.
“Do you mind if we talk privately about something for a second? I know you don’t really know me, but I have something important I want to tell you.” She tried to take a step closer to him, but he backed away.
“She could be watching.” He said, looking over each of his shoulders.
“Who? Milly?” She said, looking over her own shoulder, now.
“Shhh, don’t say her name out loud.” He was backing away even more.
“Charles, what is going on? I don’t see her anywhere near us, we’re okay.” She could watch his breathing pick up pace. It was as if she could actually feel his heart beating faster.
“She’s everywhere. She’s god.” He said as serious as if he had said he had been diagnosed with some horrible illness.
“What?” She said almost laughing. “Charles, she is not here, she is not god, and I have something I have to tell you, but I need you to step closer to me so I don’t end up screaming it for everyone else to hear.” She tried to step closer to him again, and again, he backed away.
“You laugh, but she is everywhere. She knows everything. She gets in my mind sometimes and…” He stopped speaking for a second and began to shake. “She is pregnant with the next coming of Jesus, you know, and he has given her special powers.” He said with wide eyes. “She will not like that we are talking. She doesn’t like when I speak to other women. She’s worried I’ll impregnate them, too.”
She stared blankly at him for what felt like an eternity. “What?” She finally spit out with a choking laugh.
He turned around and began to walk off. She raced after him.
“Charles! It’s not that I don’t believe you…” She said, trying to contain her laughter, “But what I also know is that Milly is sleeping with someone else. That might not be your baby!” She screamed at his head.
He turned around in a rage. “Excuse me? Neither her or I slept with anybody.” He said with his teeth clenched.
“You didn’t sleep with anybody, but Milly has been sleeping with someone else… I’m trying to say that Milly is pregnant, and the baby is not yours—nor is it the son of God’s. Most likely, it’s David’s, but she kind of sleeps around a lot, so, it could really be anybody’s. Except for yours, since you guys haven’t slept together…” Her voice got quieter toward the end of her sentence.
“Whatever Milly does, I do. We are one. She is god, and she took me in to become god with her. If you’re accusing her of being unclean, you’re accusing ME of being unclean.” He started to walk toward her, now.
“Charles, I don’t know what Milly has told you, but you are not god, she is not god, she is a shitty girlfriend, and you need to get out from under her spell the second you can. Also, you are scaring me, right now. I just wanted to reach out and let you know what I knew, but if you have no interest in that information, I will mind my own business from now on.” She was almost jogging backwards, at this point.
Charles was picking up pace toward her. His eyes were dark and cold. Though his face was expressionless, the apathetic nature of his eye-lids hanging heavy over his eyes created a shadow that made chills run down her spine. She swore, for a split second, she could see Milly’s face flash across his.
“You will never speak of us again.” This time, his voice was deep and layered. It sounded like what you might hear coming from someone being exercised in a movie about demonic possession.
He stopped moving toward her and dropped his chin. “Next time, it will be you who she latches on to.” He said in that same voice. His hand raised slowly from his side until he was pointing directly at her.
“Fuck that.” She said, and she turned around and ran toward her car.
She was out of breath when she started her car and sped out of her spot. She picked up her phone and called her friend.
“I tried to tell Charles.” She spat into the phone before her friend could even say hello.
“I know you did.” The voice on the other end was monotone and unfamiliar. “Your little friend did, too, and it didn’t go well for her, either.” The words were slow and deliberately. She detected an unsettling hint of a smile in the person’s voice.
“Gabby?” She asked, confused.
“Yes, ‘Gabby’ tried to talk to Charles. Soon, ‘Gabby’ will have some new friends and won’t be needing your acquaintance anymore.” The voice was sinister as it spit out her friend’s name.
She hung up the phone and looked carefully at it as she called Gabby once more. It definitely was Gabby’s number, but who was on the other line? She wondered.
“Gabby?” She said, again, when the phone was answered.
“Hey girl, what’s up?” Her friend responded as normal as ever.
“Holy shit, I just tried calling you and the phone was picked up by someone sounding like a psycho. Were you just messing with me?” She spoke frantically.
“What? I didn’t get a call from you. Are you sure you called me?”
She checked her phone again to verify that she had.
“Yes! It was you! I was calling to tell you that I spoke to Charles, and he went insane. Like, seriously, mental institution insane. But then, someone answered your phone sounding SO creepy.” Her eyes darted around her car as she decided on which crazy thought trail to lead her friend down, first.
“I don’t know about someone answering my phone, pretty sure you called the wrong number, girl. But oh my gosh, I spoke to Charles, too! I have been meaning to tell you!” Her friend screamed into the phone. “He got all religious freak on me and told me Milly heard me say ‘everything’. He said she would curse me or some shit, it was so wild. I was speechless trying not to laugh in his face. Wait, what did he tell you?”
“He said he would curse you?” She tried to remember if he had cursed her. “He told me that I was ‘next’ for Milly to take over or something, I have no idea. He basically said she was a virgin and how dare I question the validity of their Jesus baby.” She was immediately relaxed by how ridiculous the whole thing sounded when she said it out loud.
The girls laughed and talked for the next twenty minutes about their individual interactions with Charles. They spoke with a mild level of nervousness, but by the end of their conversation, they had both come down from being scared to being as giggly as ever.
When she hung up with phone with Gabby, she noticed she had a missed call from her mother. It was weird because her phone had never alerted her of a call. She pressed the phone button by her mom’s name and called her back.
“Hey honey…” Her mom said with trepidation. “Are you…feeling alright?” She asked cautiously.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine. Is everything okay with you?”
“Well, just now, on the phone, you sounded…off..” Her mom was still speaking hesitantly.
“Mom, I didn’t answer your call. I just saw that I missed it. What’s going on?” She looked at her phone screen again to see if she had missed anything.
“What? We just spoke. You told me to tread lightly if I didn’t want to be next. It was very cryptic. I almost wondered if you and your friends were on something and playing some pranks or something. And honey, it was the strangest thing, but I swear, my phone became cold to the touch in my hand as you were speaking. Maybe it’s time for me to get a new one…” Her mom trailed off.
“Wait, mom, what did the voice you heard say? Did it mention any names or anything specific? What do you remember?” Her hand began to shake.
“It was something about leaving some girl with an ‘M’ name alone. Molly, maybe? Minni? I don’t know. It said it was ‘too late’ for you, dear. You have the strangest friends, you know I’ve always told you that…”
She dropped the hand with the phone in it to her side and slowed her car down until she came to a complete stop. Holy shit, she thought. David and Milly are having some demon baby, Charles is possessed, and she and Gabby are either next, or already on their way to possession.
She hung up the phone with her mom still talking and lowered her forehead onto her steering wheel. That’s the last fucking time I tell anyone anything, she thought.
